EPIC Dating: Intimacy Vs Sex (Part 2 of 2)

1 Corinthians 6:12-20
You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead. Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Sex was designed by God as an expression of intimate oneness in body that matches a couple’s commitment to oneness in purpose and direction in life.

You are designed to become one with only one other person.

But when you participate in sex outside of marriage you forfeit the opportunity to become uniquely one physically with you future spouse. With every premarital sexual impure encounter you decrease the significance of sex with your future husband or wife. Every time you take that road you’re destroying it.

Are the temporary pleasures you get from premarital sex or impurity worth the long-term complications it will cause?

If we have a brain in our head, if we can wipe away the hormones and temporary pleasures, we’d be honest and say “no way is it worth it”

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more. For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor - not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

Is God against sex?  Does God want to make our lives miserable?

No, God loves you and wants what’s best for you. He wants your sexual experience to be the best it can possibly be. And he knows more about sex than anyone does, He created it!

Sex is not for mature people, for ready people, or in-love people – it’s for married people.

Because it’s not just physical but relational.

Guys:

You can be like those guys in the locker room anytime. If you’re holding on to your purity for your wife, know that they can never offer what you can to your wife one day by being pure.

YOU CAN BE LIKE THEM ANYDAY, THEY CAN NEVER BE LIKE YOU EVER AGAIN!

So be focused on becoming a Godly man, because that’s what kind of girl you want to spend your life with and that what type of man she’s looking for!

I said last week that you need to redirect your attention to developing relational skills.

Guys we are horrible at this. We can’t pay attention, we just want to run and play.

Learn how to honor and respect women already in your life – mom, sister, grandmother, etc.

Great sex is the by-product of a great relationship. That doesn’t just magically come to you at the altar; you have to learn relational skills.

Girls:

When you’ve been used and a sexual relationship ends, you feel insecure, used, dirty, and angry.

They usually quickly rebound into another unhealthy relationship, because sex is relational not physical.

You always have to keep that in mind.

So what about Purity?

A lot of people say it’s no big deal. Just use condoms, birth control, and there won’t be a problem.

Let me just say condoms can’t erase a memory, remove guilt, restore a reputation, or repair self-esteem. That’s why God would have you wait.

So how do we stay pure? How do I have a great relationship?  (We’ll cover this in detail next week)

Guys:

The way you are wired you are turned on by site: “You’re Visual”

You have to starve your eyes of impurities: movies, pictures, internet, conversations, etc.

Have the strength to turn your heads. Girls you too.

Don’t just starve your mind. Replace those thoughts by seeking after God. Renew your mind.

Psalms 119:9-11

How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.

I have tried hard to find you—don’t let me wander from your commands.

I have hidden your word in my heart, that I may not sin against you.

Just remember that the girl you have a crush on or that you’re dating now is one day someone’s future wife. 

So where do you draw the line on dating?

Picture this: Your wife is out their right now making decisions about dating and relationships also – Where do you want her drawing the line? If she’s holding another guys hand you get upset and want to break his face.

Think about how important purity is in a dating relationship.

Guys stop being so pushy towards a physical relationship, get your hands off what isn’t yours!

Girls: You have to help the guys.

You’re saying you want a godly man but you also say that they have their minds in the gutter(Which is true most of the time)
But that’s where some of you are going to buy your clothes.

Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter or guys just need to be stronger and turn away and stop looking. Yeah guys need to be stronger, but if you care about your brothers in Christ and about yours and their purity and future marriage then it does matter what your wear.

Girls the guys struggle with this and it ripping at their hearts.

 “If your shorts are letting it all hang out or showing too much leg, or your shirt is low cut or you’re wearing pants you had to put on with pliers, or shorts that might as well be underwear – guys are not going to come up and say “Wow, you must really love Jesus, I bet she is a godly girl with high standards”

No they are saying “I bet she’s easy.” “I would love to get alone with her.” “She could be my next story to tell the guys.”

Girls I’m not saying to become nuns and wear turtle necks; just be modest and run it through your minds what guys will see and think. These are your brothers in Christ.

You can present yourself beautiful, stylish, cute and modest too. I’ve seen you dress modest before and be beautiful. I’ve also seen the opposite.

Girls keep your body as a secret for your husband. Your husband will appreciate it more than anyone.

So we’ve been talking about the importance of Purity and there’s probably some saying...

“I’ve already messed up and taken the wrong roads. Purity sounds good but it sounds like my marriage is going to be miserable and hopeless. And if that’s the case I might as well keep doing what I’m doing.”

Just because you went “too far” is no reason to give up the fight and give into temptation because one day you will meet the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and you will have 1 of 3 stories to tell:

1. When I was a teenager I messed up sexually. I got carried away with the person I was dating. I figured that since I did it once it really didn’t matter if I did it again. So I was sexual with several other people along the way to meeting you.

2. When I was a teenager I messed up sexually. But on April 26 2012, after hearing my youth leader teach on intimacy, I decided that God knew what he was talking about. I decided that from that point on I would wait. I decided to make a stand and set new standards when it came to my dating life and I have stuck with them. Since that day I have saved myself for you.

3. When I was a teenager I realized that God knows more about sex than anyone. Since he created sex for marriage, I decided to wait. I have saved myself for you.

Whatever your story might be let me say this.

God can help you pick up the pieces of your heart, take control of your life and set you back on your feet.  He wants to forgive you, heal you and help you pave the way for intimacy in your future marriage. You may think that’s not possible but know this: God is rich in mercy and grace and that He is a forgiving and loving God. He wants to make you a clean, pure or even a recycled virgin. He wants to start from the inside/out, from the heart out.

I promise you it’s not too late to make a stand on where you want your dating life to go or even what you want your marriage to look like.

EPIC Dating: Intimacy Vs Sex (Part 1 of 2)

Let me start out by saying that Sex is Awesome!
Why is it awesome? Because God created sex and designed it, within the union of marriage. I don’t know how the idea occurred to him but I do know that a long time ago there was no sex. Then God said “I have a great idea”

So lets look at the first marriage. They just didn’t like each other, or live together, it wasn’t a one night stand, a date, or a random hook up, it was marriage.

God made Eve directly for Adam and they became one through marriage.

Genesis 2:15-25

 The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it.  But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”  So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one.  He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Genesis 4:1

Now Adam had sexual relations with his wife, Eve, and she became pregnant.

So if sex is God’s idea/creation, it’s safe to assume He knows more about the subject than anyone. Right!?

So lets look at the options:

(1) Sex can be unbelievably fulfilling (and fun) or

(2) Sex can leave a person feeling used and empty. 

AGREE?

Which do you suppose God intended? The first one of course!

So in other words God is interested in yours and my sex life!

He wants it to be the best possible.

So we’re just not going to tell you “WAIT!”

We’re going to answer “Why to Wait?”

Purity paves the way for intimacy

 Intimacy: To know someone fully and be fully known without the fear of comparison or rejection.

You are letting some one see your heart completely.

“In-To-Me-You-See”

However, Impurity erodes the capacity to experience intimacy and consequently diminishes the satisfaction of a sexual relationship.

With impurity we’ve taken away the meaningful purpose God has given sex in a marriage and we’ve made it an activity with no meaning what so ever.

There is an unbreakable link between purity & intimacy.

You can’t have intimacy without purity.

This is why Paul commanded the Corinthians

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Purity doesn’t just mean sexual intercourse.

Guard your eyes, ears, mind, body and your heart.

When you sin sexually, you sin against yourself. You hurt yourself. You damage your

potential for a satisfying sexual relationship with a marriage partner down the road and

rob your future spouse of intimacy as well.

Girls:

You don’t really want sex.  I know some girls that wanted the physical but every relationship left them empty because the physical really didn’t fulfill their desire.

What you want is intimacy.

You want to meet a guy, fall in love, and know that you can trust that person completely.

You want to share everything there is to know about you without the fear of betrayal or rejection.

You want to know that person fully and be fully known by them.

What you are after is intimacy not sex or not even a physical relationship.

Girls you were create to be honored, loved, and respected

Don’t fall for lies:

• Everybody is having sex

• Can’t live without it

• It’s okay If you are in love

• Part of growing up just use condoms

• Makes relationships better

Remember you were created to be honored, loved, and respected.

Your body is meant for your husband alone. Don’t forfeit it for any empty promise in a dating relationship.

Girls you are a beautiful creation of God.

God gave different eyes to different guys. Don’t get restless waiting. Don’t let the world convince you that you aren’t lovable or attractive because you are not someone’s girlfriend.

Hold yourself higher than that. God does! You are worth waiting for!

Guys:

You want great sex!

You want to meet a girl you are physically attracted too, fall in love with her, and never lose that physical attraction. Your greatest fear is you will get stuck with someone you are no longer attracted to.

The best way to ensure that you don’t lose that loving feeling is to set your sights on intimacy rather than sex.

Great sex is the by-product of maximum intimacy.

If not your relationship is just physical. Sex is better when you know that person in an intimate way, its more than just a body!

The world has made sex out to be a sporting event – t.v shows, Real World/Jersey Shore.

Talk in the locker room is “Who you hooked up with”  or “You’re not a man till you have sex…”

FACT: Dogs have sex, I’ve never seen a dog turn into a man!

The truth is you can’t separate the physical from the relational.

 Not only is simply “having sex” not biblical it’s not possible:

Genesis: 2:21-24

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Why do we try and break God’s design of becoming "one flesh" with someone through sex or impurity before marriage and think it will work?

We are trying to break the mold, you may make it through, get married, but I can promise it won’t be without complications, conviction/guilt, or brokenness.

(Part 2 of Intimacy Vs Sex next week)

Happy Birthday To Me!

Oh Geez...I sound like Anna !!!
This past weekend I turned 30. Friday Night some of the guys in the youth group took me out to eat hibachi and sushi and of course finish the night up with some Halo. Well, Saturday we were headed to my parents for a BBQ when I happen to notice a lot more vehicles there besides my parents. That's when I looked at my wife and asked, "How many people did mom invite over?" The grin on her face answered my question. As we drove closer I noticed a large amount of people waiting for me outside with a large sign that stretch across the house that said, "Happy 30th Birthday Matthew!" A surprise birthday party for me, it truly was a surprise. I even got a special greeting from the guys in the youth group. Thanks guys, I am now scarred for life. I truly have a great bunch of family and friends. Thanks to everyone who came to celebrate my 30th birthday with me.

Epic Dating: Unequally Yoked

Judges 13,14,15, & 16 
Samson and Delilah

Some signs to know if your relationship is unequally yoked
1. When the person you are in a relationship with notices you are becoming too clingy.
- Do they enjoy it and love it?
- Or put your focus back on God where it should be?

2. Since you have been in the relationship, have you found yourself sinning against God more now than before?

3. How often does the person you’re are in a relationship with initiate spiritual things such as: prayer, devotion, Bible studies, and witnessing?
- Guys: Bro can you lead her?
- Girls: Can you support him?
- When they are initiated, what’s the attitude behind it?

4. Are there some areas in your life where you know that you could not have grown in without this person’s consistent spiritual help and advice?
- Are they helping you grow?
- Do they have the maturity to help you grow?

5. Ask 4 or your closest spiritual friends, if they honestly believe that your walk with God has improved or declined since this relationship.

6. Ask the same 4 people, if your personal calling in ministry has been hindered by this relationship.
- Is your spiritual calling neglected?

7. Ask your boyfriend/girlfriend’s 2 closest friends: in what ways has the relationship hindered or blessed their friend spiritually.

8. Ask some people at the church what kind of example has your relationship set at the church.
- If people don’t know then maybe it’s a sign—shouldn’t your relationship be something that everyone can see and be blessed by?
- Is your relationship example?

9. Can you give at least 5 Biblical reasons that the person you are in a relationship with is born again?

10. If the person you are in a relationship with knew that your walk with God is being hindered by the relationship, does he/she love God enough to step away from you for a season or permanently so that you can get your walk with God together?
- That should be the most important thing to your partner: Your walk with God.

EPIC Dating: Myths of Dating (Part 4 of 4)

Myth #4: It’s nothing serious we’re just dating.

• Have you ever heard someone say,

“We just go out for fun”  or  “I’d never get serious with him”.

Thing is you don’t have a whole lot of control over who you fall for.

- All it takes is the right words, her head on your shoulder during the chick flick, hand in the popcorn at the same time, that glance into each others eyes, and BAM! You’re falling for them.

- You think it takes a movie? Try church camp…That’s why we separate you on the bus.    

   Six hrs sitting beside each other on a bus and you come back home engaged.

“But hey it’s nothing physical”

Well lets get physical…
Your goofing around on the couch during a movie night (by the way is one of the most dangerous date nights ever) Parents are crazy (mine included) if they think their kid needs their dating space and leaves them alone in the Living Room or allows access to the bedroom.

The “tickle/flirting/wrestling” match begins, “hehehe”.
Then before you know it, both hands have join the “so innocent game”.
Before you know you’ve embraced her in your arms, your eyes have met, and BAM!
You go in for the kiss! Or she smacks the crap out of you for trying that.

-Maybe you find this as not a bad thing,
ITS NOTHING SERIOUS, WE'RE JUST DATING.

Let me give you the definition of what these “tickle/flirting/wrestling’ games are.

Webster Dictionary: An action or behavior that precedes an event.
YEAH WCW SMACK DOWN! Right?...

WRONG!...

Webster's Dictionary continued: usually include compliments, subtle comments and intimate conversations, they can include provocative clothing and gestures, suggestive postures and motions,  standing or being inside a partner's personal space, and holding a gaze longer than would be expected from only a casual interest.

Webster's Dictionary: actions preceding sexual intercourse

The word defined is FOREPLAY, sounds alot like that little game to me

This is for married people, and yet many dating relationships toy around with this game. Yet we say it’s nothing serious. This is playing at the door step of a sexual relationship!

But Honestly: What’s the risk?
The possibilities of a physical dating relationship?
What’s the bases of Dating? If you start off on first base in your Junior High Years and advance one base each year, where do you expect your relationship to be in a few years?
Do you think it would be godly? Years later there's a possibility that you've been around the bases a few times and possibly with different relationships. Most probably broken.

This isn't the qualities you want to have. Someone that literally "Gets Around"

• So what we need is to be careful who those choices are --- or who you let choose you.

Does it matter if I date a believer or non-believer? Think about God’s Standards

2 Corinthians 6:14-17

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?  And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.

As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the LORD.  Don’t touch their filthy things, and I will welcome you.

The Bible is not saying don’t talk with them or you can’t be their friend, if that were the case we’d all be lost. Some Christian took the time to share Christ with us. But guard you heart, your emotions, & your bodies be careful who you link yourself to.

As a believer, you are made up of Body, Soul, and Spirit. If you are not a believer you’re spiritually dead. A believer and non-believer’s relationship can never be a complete relationship. This doesn’t make you a better person, just one that knows God and one that doesn’t know Him. Their relationship can never be a complete relationship. They can only have things in common physically or mentally. 2/3rds  You may have things in common but a spiritual relationship won’t work. You will either split ways, fall back or fall in.

Now I know you’re intentions are “I’ll save them”.

Great!

-Your passion for the lost is wonderful but do you need to date them at the same time?

This will only get in the way and it’s dangerous.

-And are you only “Getting them saved” so you can date them?
Just some questions to ask your self.

*I can promise you God is not going to bless your circumstances when your intentions are focused on getting a girlfriend or boyfriend. He knows the truth.

Fall Back/ Fall In : If you’re a believer…

Fall in means you know how to live your old sinful life, it wont take much to fall back into your old ways. We already know how to have a sinful life (we’re experienced). They have no idea how to have a spiritual life and whats scary is you might not either, you may not be aware of how that relationship works either!  The problem is it’s much easier to just fall in to your old ways.

When you’re not complete and married to a non-believer there will be decisions:

– big decisions like where to live, what job to work, how to raise children, you would be the only one desiring to please God and do what is right in His eyes if you were married to an unbeliever. The problem is you’ll probably just give in after awhile or split ways.

2 Corinthians 4:18

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

Marriage is Forever, a union under God between man and woman and God needs to be in both lifes. If not there will be problems later.

We can’t see the big picture, but its so important for your date/partner to be a believer, someone with your standards that you’ve set.
Don’t let the charm get you now and Don’t settle!
Because that’s your future and those things will last forever!

There would be major conflict in a life of a believer if you didn’t recognize these things now.

The person you link yourself to in a relationship says volumes about your walk with God!!!

Who you date does matter. .
I hope you just didn’t hear a bunch of rules. I hope what you heard is that God has guidelines & principles for relationships.

To have a godly relationship and marriage it’s important to take these and apply them to your life.